As we lay in bed last night, grateful that the day had ended and that it was late enough to justify retiring (9pm – don’t judge me), C and I reflected on our day with the boys. Often we pass the same comments back and forth – ‘What a day!’, ‘Man, I’m glad this day is over,’ ‘It’s so nice to finally be in bed,’ ‘ Tomorrow has to be an improvement right?’
But, in response to another ‘what a day!’ it occurred to me that our day had been a perfectly normal, crazy, upside down, tiring, maddening, fun, joyous and hug-filled day. ‘You know what, today was a totally normal day for us.’ C agreed, ‘Yes, they were so awful and so beautiful.’
I have finally realised, despite the knowledge and faint understanding of Newton’s law of motion, that with the good (necessarily) comes the bad and with the bad, blessedly so, comes the good. One day is never completely awful and neither is any day consistently awesome. Sure, the days often lean towards one or the other but, on the whole, they’re pretty balanced. And that, I’m sure, is the definition of as good as it gets.
On a train into the city to see the Christmas windows yesterday morning, an elderly couple sat opposite us. The boys were very happy to be on a train (they love public transport which shows that we don’t use it enough) and we had just enjoyed pancakes at the markets. The sun was shining and we were doing something new. It was all great. And so were they. I saw them through the eyes of the couple opposite us who commented to each other how sweet the boys were and how well behaved. They were all these things and it was really very nice. I was determined to hold that moment because I need to remember, when things are going awfully wrong, they also have the capacity to go awfully right. So right, in fact, to prompt comment from members of public.
The train trip back was not so pleasant but, given they were all getting tired, not heinous either. However, I just knew that it was the foreshadowing of something to come. And come it did, a complete melt down by all in the park and a quick removal home to bed as punishment (and our hope of a well needed sleep). This moment was bad, really bad. Violence, awful behaviour, rudeness and meanness to each other.
But this is the ebb and flow right? You simply can’t have one without the other and my awareness and true acceptance of this has made things a far sight easier. So, this morning, after we were all woken by Lbaby at 4.30am and most of us failed to go back to sleep, we made a totally failed attempt to go to the local street fair. It was terrible in all senses of the word but we just came home and everything settled down and I know, writing this as all my babies enjoy a sleep, that this afternoon will bring something else entirely. Karma or Newton would say it has be better than this morning, just to balance everything out. Maybe it won’t be. But I know we’ll get another glorious moment all together soon. Maybe that moment will be big and we’ll enjoy belly-shaking laughs and bear hugs. Or, maybe, that moment will be small, closing the storybook at bed time and leaning in for a kiss, or rubbing a baby dry after his bath. Whatever it is, it is a moment not to be lost or forgotten. It is what it is but it is mine and I must hold it. Always.